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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27444583">the reason in madness, in love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/trainerlyra/pseuds/trainerlyra'>trainerlyra</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Knights of Hanoi Fujiki Yuusaku, Light Romance, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Yu-Gi-Oh! Mini-Exchange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:33:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,489</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27444583</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/trainerlyra/pseuds/trainerlyra</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In another life, Yusaku decides to put saving the one who saved him above all else.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fujiki Yuusaku/Revolver | Kougami Ryouken</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! It's Time to G-G-G-Gift! [Mini-Exchange]</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the reason in madness, in love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicTraitor/gifts">ToxicTraitor</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>*rips off cape dramatically* hi toxi, it was me, your gift giver! uh. it turned very not mini LOL i'm so sorry</p>
<p>lmao anyways.. i'm sorry this isn't exactly what you asked for, i saw your "hanoi!yusaku" prompt and it...really got away from me orz. however it IS very yusaku centric? so there's that! i hope you still enjoy this thing anyways, and please know the thought was there pff. hanoi!yusaku is such an interesting concept to me and i hope to write it again in the future! i had a lot of fun writing this and i'm so happy i got to write some dss for someone who i know adores them as much as i do! so.. enjoy, and thanks for reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Would he ever see his family again? Were they looking for him, wondering where their son had gone? How many days had it even been? These were the things that kept Yusaku up at what he could only assume to be night, in the bright white room. Occasionally, the room would go dark, and that's when he'd try his best to curl under the one torn blanket and close him eyes, shivering the whole time.</p>
<p>And as more and more of those days passed, with little food and little more to do at all then just <em>duel</em>, he started to forget those questions, too. Who would be looking for him? If anyone would've been looking for him at all, he wouldn't still be in there. Who would he go home to? Did he <em>have </em>anyone to go home to? He didn't know, anymore. He sometimes wondered, while huddled against the wall, if he'd made up people to look for him in the first place.</p>
<p>It was nights like those, where he felt like he was about to break for good, that the voice would come. From nowhere and everywhere all at once, it at least sounded like a person, something he hadn't heard since the day he'd woken up in this room.</p>
<p>"Three things," it would remind him. "By thinking, you can still live."</p>
<p>After hearing it so many times, Yusaku had finally started to cling onto the times it would speak to him. "Please don't go," he said, grasping out into the air in an attempt to keep it with him. "Please. <em>Please</em>."</p>
<p>"Soon," it told him. "I promise you, you can go home soon."</p>
<p>And when it left, though he thought he didn't have enough water left in him to cry, he sobbed in earnest every time.</p><hr/>
<p>Time had stopped since he had left that white room, forced back into reality and torn away from his saving grace. That voice may have told him it was time for him to go home, but what about them? When did they get to rest?</p>
<p>Yusaku was tired. He couldn't remember much about the days before being trapped, but all the other children he'd been with had gotten picked up already. He alone remained at the hospital, unwanted and unloved. Even the nurses looked at him funny; kind of like the therapist they lead him to every afternoon. Whatever his life was like before all this, Yusaku knew it had to have been better.</p>
<p>Not that it mattered to him anymore. He couldn't remember any of it. The only thing he did know was that none of the children he'd seen and talked to had his special voice. Which only meant his Special Person wasn't one of them, wasn't saved even though they had saved <em>him</em>.</p>
<p>And every session, where he sat in a chair far too large for him and kept his eyes on his feet, unspeaking, the only thing he could think of was getting to that voice. As soon as he got out of there, he would find them. Yusaku wouldn't let them suffer like he had. Whatever he needed to do to save them, he knew he would find the strength to do so.</p>
<p>He would have to.</p><hr/>
<p>It took six years for Yusaku to finally have the courage to go back there. It's not like he had anywhere else to go, anyway. Nobody had ever come for him, nobody had ever claimed him after his kidnapping.</p>
<p>That was alright. Better, in some ways. This way, he was allowed the freedom to search for that voice. To save them, just like they'd saved him so many times during those long nights. He clung to those words, now, like a mantra. Something to repeat to himself whenever he grew tense, or wanted to cry. So much still scared him - the dark, being alone, white walls and endless quiet. But those words would always pull him back, reminding Yusaku that he still had something only he could do.</p>
<p>So there he stood, outside of the facility he remembered. It had taken weeks of walking through different woods, looking them up on map apps to check and see if it could possibly be the right place. He'd only recently been granted the freedom; aging out of his group home had taken far longer than he would've liked. He only hoped that he wasn't too late.</p>
<p>They hadn't killed him, though, or the other children, when it had happened. Their feeding may have been conditional, but they were kept alive. For what purpose, Yusaku wasn't sure, but it kept the hope in him that the voice that had saved him was still alive too.</p>
<p>How old were they now? What did they look like? Would Yusaku still even recognize their voice, if he were to hear it? These were all the things he wondered, night after sleepless night. Nothing was certain; not even if the person would even still be there. Or if they were ever in the facility at all.</p>
<p>But he had to try. He'd made it all this way. Anything else would be a waste - and would also land him right back where he started. No info, no nothing.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath, Yusaku squared his shoulders best he could. His heart still raced looking at the building, even if the colors of autumn surrounded him now instead of bright white. He wasn't even sure if the place would look anything like what he remembered at all. In some ways, not knowing was worse.</p>
<p>Before his brain could fully catch up, his legs moved on their own. One step, then a second, then a third until he was finally sure he would make it into the building. The door in front of him was the last thing in between him and setting foot back into this place. Truthfully, Yusaku hadn't even considered the possibility that it might be locked from the inside <em>or </em>out. He hadn't considered much at all past finding the place and hopefully, in turn, his Special Person.</p>
<p>Over the years he'd grown accustomed to planning things meticulously; making sure every detail was accounted for and properly debated in his head. When it came to his past torture, however, he generally drew a blank, making it difficult to consider ever angle or even think about it for more than a few moments at a time. For things like this, he relied solely on adrenaline to get him through.</p>
<p>Standing in front of the door, Yusaku let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. His fingers shook as he brought his hand up to the handle, the cool metal feeling like it could burn straight through his skin. He hadn't brought gloves, didn't own any, but he regretted not stealing some from the convenience store on the way as soon as he made contact. With one final forced swallow, he pushed.</p>
<p>The door didn't move an inch.</p>
<p>He wasn't sure why he had expected otherwise, honestly. This was clearly a top secret facility. One that likely hadn't been touched in at least five years. The whole place, looking at it closely now, looked abandoned and overgrown. Weeds of various kinds had overtaken the grass in front, and the chain link fence had started to rust badly. So badly, in fact, the lock on the fence itself had completely rusted through.</p>
<p><em>Stupid</em>, Yusaku thought to himself, feeling his heart drop into his stomach. <em>Stupid, stupid, stupid</em>. He'd come all this way, and for what? Another dead end in trying to find the one who had saved him?</p>
<p>Part of him wasn't even surprised at the outcome. Everything he'd tried over the last six years, however limited his capabilities were, had failed. He wasn't sure why he had been so convinced this somehow wouldn't.</p>
<p>Of course it would. Why would the person even still be at an abandoned place? Even if the group of people that had kidnapped Yusaku himself still had him, they had likely moved immediately following being caught by the police. Most of them were probably in jail, though Yusaku could never find proof that the incident had ever even occurred in any documentation.</p>
<p>With a harsh sigh, Yusaku shoved his freezing hands into his hoodie pocket, turning sharply away from the door. There was no reason to be there anymore. It was another loss. Nothing he couldn't handle.</p>
<p>"<em>Wait</em>," a voice commanded as he approached the fence once more, stopping Yusaku dead in his tracks. He knew that voice. Heard it every night in his dreams, soothing him from the nightmares. "Why are you here?"</p>
<p>It was clearly older now, a little more defined. Unlike in Yusaku's world, time had continued to pass in reality, forcing their bodies to develop. Even still, the lilt, the cadence, everything else was still the same.</p>
<p>Frozen in place, Yusaku couldn't even turn around to look at who had saved him all those years ago. It was like he was chained to the ground, melted into the environment much like the fence in front of him.</p>
<p>It took all his strength just to form a response. "For you," Yusaku told him, strained. His throat went bone dry, and the chill in his hands had crept up to the back of his neck. Not out of fear - no, anything but. For the first time in years, Yusaku finally felt <em>safe</em>. The place behind him was the furthest thing from his mind.</p>
<p>No, it wasn't fear at all. He wasn't sure what it was. Nothing he'd ever experienced had made him feel this way before. Maybe he was only twelve, but Yusaku knew that most people hadn't lived through half of what he had. A new emotion, a new feeling… well, that was a rarity.</p>
<p>Silence once again. Slowly, he forced himself to turn to finally face the one who had saved him. The special voice, his Special Person, the one who had gotten him through so many long nights and bad dreams. The person who had encouraged him and given him a reason to continue, despite all odds stacked against him.</p>
<p>The one who had told him it was finally time for him to go home. The one who had promised him a way out and had delivered, even if it meant that he would be stuck there forever. He'd be a fool not to turn around when the reason he'd come was standing within his grasp for the first time in six years.</p>
<p>"It's you," Yusaku said to himself, a tinge of wonder in his tone. His Special Person was in front of him, in the flesh. His ice blue eyes looked as cold as the metal from the door, but to Yusaku, they were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "It's really you."</p>
<p>He could barely focus on anything else. The world around him went out like a light in his head, his eyes only taking in the person who now stood in front of him. He didn't know his name yet, or anything else about him - how old was he? How long had he been there? Was he still trapped? Was he <em>happy</em>? Why did he save him, why did he have the ability to even try to help? - but none of those questions mattered then. Nothing mattered, expect for the fact that he was real, and Yusaku had finally, finally found him.</p>
<p>The boy in front of him looked him up and down for a moment, before scowling slightly. "Why were you looking for me? You shouldn't," he trailed off, shaking his head. "You should be moving on. You're free to forget me, that whole incident. Why didn't you?" He asked, his voice growing rougher with each word.</p>
<p>Blinking, Yusaku wasn't even sure what to say to that. "Move on?" He questioned, not at all understanding. "I can't move on. I can't just forget about that. I can't forget about <em>you</em>," he said, stepping closer to the boy. The boy took a step back, but Yusaku wasn't deterred. "I've spent the last six years wondering if you were okay. I couldn't just…" It was his turn to trail off, not sure what to say.</p>
<p>He meant every word, though, even if he didn't know how to phrase it. The boy in front of him was the person that had kept him going for the past six years, and during those six months he spent dueling for his life. Because of this person, Yusaku had been able to keep going. To keep moving forward through life, to keep eating and sleeping and breathing and <em>trying</em>, even if that wasn't much, because the idea of not being able to save this person after everything was far too much for him to swallow.</p>
<p>"I don't understand." The boy shook his head, his white hair whipping along with it. "Why? You were supposed to be <em>okay</em>."</p>
<p>Without thinking, Yusaku grabbed the boy's hands in his own. He held them like they were an anchor, keeping his feet on the ground and his mind firmly in reality. "I'm sorry," Yusaku found himself apologizing, though he wasn't sure for what, exactly. All he knew is that seeing him make that sad face tore at his chest in a way that hurt worse than his nightmares did. "I'm sorry. I needed to find you. I needed to save you, too. You're still stuck too, right? That's why you're here. That's why… that's why I couldn't move on."</p>
<p>Something in his words must have clicked in the other boy's head. "Ryoken," he said softly, his glare finally melting a small fraction of the way. "You can call me Ryoken, Yusaku."</p>
<p>He wasn't surprised at all that Ryoken already knew his name. What he was surprised about was how well the name seemed to fit him. <em>Ryoken</em>. "Let me help you," Yusaku said, squeezing his hands tightly. He didn't beg, but he came dangerously close to it.</p>
<p>They were both still for awhile; Yusaku's hands gripping Ryoken's own, the wind around them the only thing moving at all. But finally, Ryoken nodded slowly.</p>
<p>"Come with me," he said, smiling, but only just. "Yusaku."</p><hr/>
<p>The more Yusaku tried to wrap his head around the situation, the less he understood. Some of it made sense - the reason for his abduction, Ryoken's connection to it all, and what had happened to Ryoken's father, the scientist, who had been in charge of the project. Those things might not have all been <em>reasonable</em>, but it was an explanation.</p>
<p>Other parts, not so much. How Ryoken was now working with the same scientists he had turned his back on years ago to save him and the others. How another one of the victims, Spectre, had <em>also </em>sought out Ryoken and the rest, but for an entirely different reason. How the project had actually <em>worked</em>, and that now they were trying to hunt down the very things they had risked children's livelihoods to create.</p>
<p>"They're dangerous, Yusaku," Ryoken explained, looking like he was a million miles away even as he stared into Yusaku's green eyes. "They're dangerous to humanity. My father wouldn't do this for no reason."</p>
<p><em>My father</em>. Yusaku still wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that his savior, the person who had gotten him through, was related to the person who had put him into the monster's mouth in the first place. It was something he had, for sure, thought of before - during many sleepless nights where he tried to imagine what kind of person his savior would be.</p>
<p>None of his dreams ever came close to making him as beautiful as he was in real life. Too many of them had put Ryoken with the enemy, and Yusaku supposed it was of course his luck that it was the truth. Looking at the boy in front of him, he realized this was the same boy that had led him back to Dr. Kiyoshi Kogami that fateful day; the very person who had given him over to his torturers.</p>
<p>And, Yusaku thought, he wasn't <em>wrong</em>. This person, this <em>boy</em>, he did need to be saved. He was so wrapped up in his father's teachings and, likely, his own guilt about the situation as a whole, that he was willingly doing what his father's subordinates - and his re-animated father in the VRAINS - said to do. And he was right there, with him, in the perfect place to start getting through to him.</p>
<p>Just like he had done with Yusaku. When Ryoken had first spoken to him, he was just confused. And then when he kept seeking him out, kept encouraging him and reminding him to think of three things, at first, Yusaku hadn't liked hearing from him. It was stressful, and only succeeded in reminding him that time was passing and that he was still trapped with no hope of leaving.</p>
<p>Of course, that changed over the months. The voice that Yusaku had once thought of as a cruel reminder became the shining light in his dark, dark world. If Ryoken could pull him through, then Yusaku knew he would do the same for the older boy in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>Even if it meant working for the enemy. Even if it meant throwing his morals and his own desires for revenge away. Even if it meant seeking out the very creatures his torture had created, straight from his own mind and heart.</p>
<p>That was all okay. If he had a chance to save Ryoken, anything was. So Yusaku sighed, and then nodded slowly, sealing his fate. "I understand, Ryoken," he said, steeling himself for what this meant. "I'll do what I can to help you. Thank you."</p>
<p>When Ryoken smiled this time, it was full of relief. Almost as if he'd been scared of letting Yusaku go again. It only lasted for a moment before it was gone, but Yusaku tucked it away inside his memory for later.</p>
<p>"Thank you," was all the older boy said, before standing up and leaving the guest room that he'd kindly prepared for Yusaku.</p>
<p>Alone, Yusaku looked out the window at the ocean below. He still wasn't sure if he was making the right choice. He wondered if he'd ever know.</p><hr/>
<p>Living in the Kogami household was more difficult to get used to than he'd expected. It was unusual to be in a warm, at least mostly safe environment. Foreign, really, was a better word for it; to have a warm and dry household, to have three meals a day and someone to talk to that would sit patiently and listen to him when he was struggling.</p>
<p>Nobody in the household was <em>cruel</em> like Yusaku had imagined they would be. The doctors, who had worked under Kogami, were all sympathetic and clearly felt bad for what they had put him and the others through. They gave him therapy - proper, <em>real </em>therapy - and bought him clothes, stuffed animals, a new phone and laptop… whatever he could ask for was provided to him without question. Dinnertime was no longer a hurried affair, but instead an enjoyable one, where everyone shared stories about their day and laughed like a real family. The other boy who had sought out Ryoken, Spectre, was much funnier than Yusaku had expected and ended up being a reliable presence in his life. He might have had a different view on the experience they'd shared together, but at least he had been through it, so Yusaku no longer felt like he was suffering alone.</p>
<p>And of course, that wasn't even touching on the subject of Ryoken.</p>
<p>Ryoken, who was there every single day, making sure he was cared for and content. As the days passed, his protectiveness over Yusaku grew and grew. No longer was he just a distant overseer. He had become someone that Yusaku could constantly lean on, and who would without a doubt fix any problem that could ever arise.</p>
<p>Which was exactly <em>how </em>they'd gotten into their current predicament.</p>
<p>Standing outside of a warehouse on the outskirts of Den City, Ryoken frowned deeply, shoving his hands into his blazer pockets. "It feels a bit wrong, I'll admit, to steal from the AI we're working to destroy," he said, shaking his head a little. "I don't enjoy stooping this low. I would've gladly supplied you with a deck, had you asked."</p>
<p>Yusaku turned away from him, looking out to the ocean. In the sunset lighting, with the starts slowly starting to creep up overhead and the oranges covering everything, Ryoken looked beautiful. Well, Yusaku amended, he always did. He'd been noticing that more and more lately.</p>
<p>"Isn't it a good thing if we put them at a disadvantage?" He asked, still not facing the older boy. "This was also a good way to get something we could actually track, too."</p>
<p>He'd thought all of it through before going to Ryoken the other week with his proposition. At first, he'd been reluctant to agree, but Yusaku had kept up the pressure and the other boy couldn't find enough faults in his logic to disagree. He'd gotten very, very good at persuading Ryoken over the last two years.</p>
<p>Ryoken sighed, beginning the long trek back to where they'd parked. Not for the first time, Yusaku was grateful that he'd learned how to drive as soon as he was legally able. They were on the opposite side of Den City; a walk would've taken at least two hours. Probably more.</p>
<p>"They are a formidable opponent," Ryoken reluctantly agreed, Yusaku following close at his heels. "An easier way to track them should be something to celebrate."</p>
<p>It also meant, however, they were once again moving away from going through SOL Technologies first. Something that was still hotly debated in the household. Ryoken wanted revenge, badly, for what had happened to his father. Yusaku, honestly, still couldn't find it within himself to care. Making an enemy of SOL Tech was something he could live with, but the sooner they destroyed the Ignis, the closer he was to finally setting Ryoken free.</p>
<p>Yusaku didn't reply. Still, after two years, he couldn't lie to Ryoken about his intentions. The other boy knew very well that he was only there for him - and only there to save him.</p>
<p>"Tomorrow," Ryoken spoke again, breaking the small lapse of silence that had fallen as they reached the car, "I'll grant you access to VRAINS now that you've got a deck. You can begin helping with the search for Cyberse if you choose to." His words were somber, but Yusaku couldn't help but duck his head and blush at the faint hint of pride in them.</p>
<p>Dueling was something that still terrified him. He'd only done it a few times since coming to live with Ryoken and the others, and nearly every time he'd ended up a wreck. He'd only recently begun to steel himself and accept the fact that in order to accomplish his goals, he would need to duel again, and <em>win</em>.</p>
<p>Not that he would ever let himself lose again. That was something he couldn't risk.</p>
<p>"I understand." Yusaku got into the car, trying and failing to keep his eyes off of Ryoken as to not be too obvious.</p>
<p>He wasn't sure when his feelings had begun to shift, or what they had even shifted <em>to</em>, but he knew that Ryoken could not know. He would not allow himself to become an issue for the older boy. Not now, not ever.</p>
<p>Ryoken, though, just gave him a tight smile. "Thank you, as always, for staying by my side."</p>
<p>The sunset had begun to fade, being replaced with the blues and purples of the night sky. Every star that was visible seemed to reflect in Ryoken's eyes, and Yusaku couldn't bring himself to even attempt looking away. "Always," he finally said, knowing it was a promise that he would not allow himself to break.</p>
<p>Tomorrow, he would join Ryoken and the others in the network to hunt for the Ignis. Tomorrow, he would be one step closer to setting Ryoken free from all of this. From this life, from his duty, from the chains that bound him to his father and the other children that his father had hurt.</p>
<p>From the chains that bound him to Yusaku.</p>
<p>Would they ever be able to continue on like this, after everything was said and done? He doubted Ryoken would ever throw him away, but would they still be able to live together, to share their lives once there was no more common goal? It was something that scared Yusaku deeply, but he knew it was nothing in comparison to failing.</p>
<p>Failure was not an option. Not when it came to Ryoken's happiness, and no matter what it brought.</p><hr/>
<p>"You'll operate under a code name," Ryoken told him as he set the duel disk aside, listing off exactly how that night would go down. "As we all do. I am Revolver, as you already know. You will report directly to me."</p>
<p>Though he'd long since grown used to the way Ryoken could effortlessly command a room, Yusaku was not quite used to being one of the people that the other boy was commanding. Usually, though his hacking talents often came in handy, they operated more as equals since he wasn't involved in anything in the network.</p>
<p>Yusaku found he didn't mind nearly as much as he thought he would. "Understood," he said, picking up the old school duel disk off the table. It was the very same one he had used, way back then, trapped inside a white room and dueling for his right to live.</p>
<p>Many times, Ryoken had offered to buy him a new model, but Yusaku had always refused. It might be difficult, to use the exact one that had brought him so much pain as a child, but he couldn't imagine using anything else. At the very least, it would serve as a reminder of why he couldn't lose.</p>
<p>"Do you have any thoughts on one?" Ryoken asked, raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>Yusaku had thought about it for awhile. "Playmaker," he said simply. If Ryoken asked, he would give his reasoning, but part of him hoped he wouldn't. Or that he would actually be able to get away with just telling part of the truth.</p>
<p>It was a play on his own name, yes, but the meaning went deeper than just that. This was Yusaku challenging his fate directly; stepping into the fray and beginning to make what he wanted happen. This was Yusaku finally getting closer to what he'd wanted all along, for eight years.</p>
<p>Ryoken's lips curled into a smirk. "Fitting," was all he said. "Well then, Playmaker, let me know when you're ready to depart."</p>
<p>When he turned around to leave, however, Yusaku found himself reaching for his wrist and stopping him in his tracks. Ryoken didn't turn around, didn't say anything at all. Instead, he waited patiently for Yusaku to collect his thoughts and say what he needed to say, far too used to his mannerisms to be surprised.</p>
<p>He took a deep breath before he spoke. "Thank you, Ryoken," he whispered, trying his best to convey his emotions as clearly as possible. "Thank you for letting me join you. Thank you for everything."</p>
<p>Yusaku still wasn't sure exactly what he wanted Ryoken to hear in those words. There was so much he couldn't say, or had trouble saying to the older boy. <em>Thank you</em> never seemed like enough. Not that he didn't appreciate him for saving him, for taking him in, not only into his mission but also into his life. But there was so much more to it. There were the little things, the times where it was just the two of them and they had conversations about… well, normal things - things like what music they had been listening to or a new restaurant that Ryoken had wanted to take him to. There were also the bigger moments, when Yusaku felt like he was about to break, when Ryoken would somehow know exactly what to say or do. When Ryoken would let him curl up around him, feeling safe and calm as he listened to his steady heartbeat.</p>
<p>But how did you thank someone for that? How did you let them know how much you appreciated them, how much they meant to you, when you didn't even know yourself? Yusaku was still struggling to figure it out. He wondered if he ever would, or if he'd ever be given the chance to once this was all over.</p>
<p>Slowly, Ryoken turned around. "You're always welcome," he said simply, a small smile tugging at his mouth. His eyes, usually so cold and faraway, had melted slightly, warm with something Yusaku couldn't place. "You know that, don't you?"</p>
<p>He did. When Ryoken looked at him like that, he really, truly did.</p><hr/>
<p>Designing his avatar wasn't difficult. Yusaku had never cared much for things like that, nor did he put much thought into it. The only important thing on his mind was that it was flexible, easy to move around in, and changed his hair enough that people from Den City High School wouldn't recognize him on sight. Taking too much time would've inconvenienced Ryoken, anyways, and he wasn't in the mood to do that.</p>
<p>Especially after the moment they'd just had.</p>
<p>When he was finished, however, Yusaku hesitated. Was it good enough? He'd only ever seen Ryoken's avatar before, never really caring enough about the others to pay attention to what they wore in the VRAINS. It was probably conspicuous enough, at the very least - his hair was inverted, style wise, and now had a warm palette rather then his natural cool one. He didn't really speak to many people at Den City High School, anyways. Most of the conversations he had lasted less than two sentences.</p>
<p>Sighing to himself, he realized he was overthinking it. When he and Ryoken were in front of each other, it was easy to just take things in stride. Yusaku never had to think about what he was doing, or saying, nearly one hundred percent of the time. He'd been around the older boy for a long time, now, but more so than that Ryoken was still and always would be his Special Person. This was the person that understood him at his core, who had picked him up during the most traumatic six months he'd ever experienced. Even with Spectre, someone who had gone through the same experience, in the house, nobody could ever come close to understanding him like Ryoken did.</p>
<p>But when they he was alone, Yusaku tended to think too much. About what Ryoken liked, didn't like, might want or need from him or just around the house. He tended to let himself get stuck on those thoughts, his mind going in loops as he would try to piece things together. It was a habit he knew he had to stop, and today was as good as any to at least start on that.</p>
<p>So he forced himself to leave the comfort of his room. The room he'd been given back when he'd first followed Ryoken home has grown to be a place he felt safe, and leaving it always set him a little on edge. Even <em>if </em>that room was in a house shared by the very people that had conducted his torture.</p>
<p>After a few steps down the hall, he planted his feet firmly in front of Ryoken's door. With a quick knock, he worked up the courage to tell the other boy he was ready to go.</p>
<p>It would be his first time in virtual reality space since he was a child. The skin on the back of his neck pricked with anxiety, but Yusaku forced himself to remain still. Ryoken would be with him. This was very, very different than standing up in a white room all alone. He was older, stronger, more aware.</p>
<p>Ryoken would be with him.</p>
<p>When he opened the door, giving Yusaku a small, confident smile, he felt most of his worries melt away. This person - very person who had saved him so many times, who he was doing this <em>to </em>save - was going in with him. Even if they got separated, even if they couldn't log in and out together, he would still be there. As always, his presence was enough, and Yusaku was once again reminded of why he was doing this in the first place.</p>
<p>Not just why he was going into the VRAINS. Why he was there, in that house, with that person at all.</p>
<p><em>I'll save you, </em>he promised himself as they made their way to the VR room downstairs. <em>I'll save you, just like you saved me. I promise. You won't have to do this forever</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>and there you have it! the beginnings of what could've been a very, very different yusaku lol.. anyways. thanks as always for reading, i love writing dss so much. it makes me so happy. it really, genuinely feels like coming home at this point :') it was a treat to write them for you, toxi! thank you so much for participating in this and i hope you enjoyed your gift!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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